journal entry this morning
Its been a very hard morning. I really dislike my child right now everything is setting me on edge. My mind keeps saying 'how can I love someone who treats me like this, I now what is best for her but she bulks at everything, we clash all the time, why did God give me a child like this.'
I sent everyone to there rooms because I Needed a 'time out'. I turned on some music with out really thinking I picked Todd Agnew the first song Something Beautiful totally convicted me. The chorus is what got to me, God does not see me as the sinner that I am He see's Christ who payed for my sins. That is how I need to see my daughter, Christ covers her sin and loves her even when she sins.
The song goes like this:
I am struggling to find a way to make myself attractive to You, attractive to You
I am trying to be more deserving of the gift You have to me, so free
It's funny how all I can be is someone completely ugly
And yet when You look at me, You don't see a wretch,
You see a reflection of something beautiful
I am searching for the water that can wash me clean enough to earn Your love
I want to stop all the things that break Your heart, but come so natural to me, naturally
I can't believe you could fall in love with me.
Tears began to sting my eyes as I realized thats how I am with Gods Correction in my life, I bulk, I scream, cry, run the other way. How I break his heart day after day. Totally broken